I’m a big fan of London. When I moved back to the UK after a stint in Dubai there was only one place I was going to move to and the big schmoke was it. For me London is EVERYTHING. Everything you could ever need or want to eat, drink, see and do. It’s awesome.
However there are times when, well, London can get a bit lonely and depressing. There are times when, despite living in a city with 8 million people you can feel a bit lost and like you’re failing at life and then BAM London does something that makes you feel like a total Boss and all happiness is restored.
1. You get on the DLR and get the front seat and get to pretend you drive a train an it makes you so freakin’ hapsula you do a little bro punch to London.
2. Someone asks YOU for directions. They ask you because you look like you’re in a rush and you hate the human species. They ask you because you look like the sort of person that never goes to Leicester Square or Harrods on the weekend. They ask you because look like you drink flat whites for fun and could write TimeOut never mind read it. They ask you because look like a bona-fide fucking Landaaaaner and *you are* because when they ask you, you know the answer. You know where they want to go and you know how they can get there. Go You.
3. The London Grumblr posts your grumble and it makes you burst with pride. You think, I knew I was a funny bastard but now it’s confirmed. Today is a great day. (click HERE to see my hilarious grumble)
4. The Barista at Starbucks spells your muddafuckin’ name right. You’re no longer Kary or Harrietttteee or Ariet you’re finally who you say you are and you are going to instagram the shit out of it.
5. You haven’t been paying attention to where you’re standing on the tube platform but when the train rolls into the station the doors are RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. Then later when you get off you’re in exactly the right carriage to allow for a swift and speedy exit up the escalator, making you miss the coffee rush, dodge the downpour of rain and arrive early at work. Synchro-fucking-nicity
6. Similarly – when there are about 124 people waiting at the bus-stop and the driver pulls up so the doors are parallel with you. You get on first and get a seat. Winning.
7. You understand bus maps/routes/numbers. You can be in one place and get to another purely by using a bus. You rock.
8. You spot Noel Fielding in Soho (again) or Laura Whitmore ‘djing’ at an event and you don’t give a fuck because you’re a Londoner and you see celebs all the time. You’ve got better things to do with your time then ask for a selfie…hang on is that CARA DELEVIGNE??!!
9. You rock up to Balthazar and get a table straight away. That’s right biiiiitch.
10. The same thing happens at Flat Iron, Burger & Lobster, Polpo, The Pitt Cue, The Meat Liquor & Dishoom – SAY WHUUUUUT.
11. When friends who don’t live in London come to visit and tag themselves in everywhere -and you’re all like, HONEY that is my life! I walk past the Tower of London everyday on my way to work. I’ve seen Big Ben, like, five time just THIS WEEK. I ride a Boris Bike for fun. Columbia Flower Market is on my doorstep. MY LIFE IS YOUR BEST DAY OUT. EVER.
12. Your train runs on time, without disruption and you don’t have to stand in the armpit of a sweaty man. Nice one London.
13. Someone randomly smiles at you. And you think, hey, Londoners are nice people.
14. And then you read the Metro’s Good Deed Feed and you’re sure of it. Gotta-love you do-gooders out there!
15. And after that you read Rush Hour Crush and are almost 99% sure that one of them was about you. You, quirky little red-head with the big yellow scarf on the central line on Friday night, you.
16. When you actually win one of those competitions for free tickets to the cool, new foodie/arty/music/fashion pop-up event and you know it’s because the organisers checked out your twitter and think you’re hilarious, London gal about town.
17. You witness A FLASHMOB. Ewww ma ghaaad.
18. Freebies. So many freebies outside the tube. Chocolate bars, Oyster card holders, Toothpaste, Mini Bailey’s Bottle. Yes please, I’ll take them all…except that flyer that says Jesus loves me, not that.
19. Every time you’re drinking anything alcoholic on a rooftop bar. B.O.S.S.I.N.G. I.T.
20. When you’re watching something like Luther and you realise that’s your street in the background. And you’re like – Luther was filmed on my street! THAT’S MY HOUSE GUYS!!! I’m pretty much in Luther. Like I’m totally in that house and they’re outside.
21. Someone stops you for a street-style photo and says they love your outfit. You explode with happiness inside but act all aloof and cool on the outside. Because, this old thing? Oh I just threw it on/got it from a vintage shop/borrowed it from my Gran. Duh.
22. You find yourself walking across Waterloo bridge and you look up to see LONDON. The eye, the houses of parliament, St Pauls, The Oxo Tower and you’re like faaaarrrk, I live here.
Oh London – you absolute babe!
Thanks for reading!