1. I’ve never watched Top Gun, Ghostbusters or any of the Godfathers.
2. My skincare routine is trying to remember to use a makeup wipe before I’ve passed out in bed with the TV on.
3. My diet swings wildly from Starbucks sausage baps every day one week, to guilt-starvation and anything with less than 100 calories in it the next.
4. I’m not engaged/married/pregnant nor am I attempting to climb the career ladder. Nope, I just want a job that pays enough for me to go on holiday and buy lots of nice things (possibly a house one day) and a boyfriend that is just that, a boyfriend, not a husband, fiancé or soon-to-be-dad. #latetwentiesfail
5. I still don’t like mushrooms or fish or brussel sprouts.
6. I’ve paid for the gym for the last 6 months and have been twice. YAY!
7. I literally can’t grow my hair past my shoulders. I swear I’ve been trying for at least 7 years.
8. No matter how many of those horror stories I read about people finding gross things in their Macdonlds I still daydream about a quarterpounder at least once a week.
9. Setting my alarm is basically a pointless act. I complete ignore it every day and stay in bed for at least an extra hour.
10. Which means I’ve been late to work everyday for the last two weeks, sometimes by half an hour. (Just kidding if my boss is reading)
11. If I need a doctor’s appointment I rarely get round to booking it because calling in the morning means not sleeping as much and calling on my lunch break means not shopping as much. It’s ok though because I’m sure it will all heal itself.
12. I can no longer watch a whole program or film without checking my phone/facebook/instagram/wordpress stats/twitter.
13. My eyebrows. Oh my eyebrows.
14. I don’t own any staple wardrobe items. No classic white shirt, no must-have trench (well I do but it’s too small and I can’t actually do it up but still I wear it), no LBD, no real leather jacket (mine is totes pleather), no cashmere sweater, definitely no blazer. The only thing I do have is a white and black t-shirts. Well done Harry.
15. I check all my shoes with a ruler before putting them on in case a spider has crawled into the during the night.
16. I know way too much about d-list celebs but scarily little about the government that is running our country.
17. I haven’t been to Thailand or Australia or New Zealand or Singapore or India. Nor did I take a gap YAH. Basically I’ve yet to see any of the really cool parts of the world.
18. Which means booking a holiday next year is the most stressful thing for me at the moment. Where? When? How long? Sri Lanka in February or Burning Man in August? A cheap week in Greece again or Disneyland & Harry Potter world. Or Tahiti or Goa or New York or Tokyo…you get the picture.
19. Online shopping annoys me – I want to touch it before I buy it and if I buy it I want it immediately because I’m a child and everything new I buy immediately replaces all the other rubbish stuff I own. (like seriously WHAT DID I WEAR BEFORE EVERY NEW ITEM I BUY?)
20. In no way am I excited about the iPhone 6…in fact I’m impressed that I have had the same phone for over a year and haven’t lost it, cracked the screen on it or given it away to a stranger while intoxicated at a festival.
21. I don’t own a pair of Nike Hurraches, nor do I have my nose pierced. My hair is still ombre, I did not buy a pair of pool sliders during the summer. I haven’t been to a festival in Croatia and I’m scared of Dalston.
22. I regularly wish I could apply my make up as well as Kylie Jenners. That’s right, me a 26 year old wishes she could apply her makeup as well as a 17 year old.
23. I take photos of EVERYTHING. (this might mean I’m succeeding at life, either way I’m one of THOSE people).
24. I never seem to be that ‘busy’ whereas everyone else in my life it like, oh sorry I can’t do Tuesday, in fact I’m chocker for the whole month! WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING WITHOUT ME?
25. The most exciting thing in my life right now is writing this blog.
26. Joking. It’s the thought of buying a babybel cookbook on Friday.
27. Kylie Minogue – who is almost 50 has a much better ass than me.
28. I’m not French and therefore do not have the wardrobe of a French woman – seriously those ladies KNOW how to dress.
29, I now have a ‘goal weight’ – what the fuck is up with that? And what happens if I ever reach it?
30. My entire outfit today is from Primark. What the…? How the…? Jesus Christ this will be embarrassing if one of those super cool magazine people stop me in the street and ask to take my picture for their style section…HAHAHAHAHA. Good one.
So yeah those are just a few of the ways I feel like I’m currently failing at life but it’s cool because THESE KIDS are failing too.
Thanks for reading!