I’d like to start by saying this post is dedicated to my friend Joe – forever an inspiration.
1. ReMemBer WrItInG eVeRyThInG lIkE tHiS aNd iT tAkInG aGeS.
2. And having profile names like this – ***xx ❤ H@rri3T K1ll3n ❤ xx**
3. Or like this ** ❤ A fEw QuEsTiOnS tHaT i NeEd To KnOw ❤ **
4. When everyone was friends with Tom.
5. And he was automatically in your top 8 friends.
6. Choosing your top 8 friends, brutel, cruel but brilliantly passive aggressive.
7. Spending hours choosing your profile song.
8. Writing on each others walls – my first wall post was form a girl called Christina whom I went to school with, she went with something like: Haha, I’ve got your wall virginity – loves ya, dancing queen!
9. And writing inappropriate things on your older boyfriend’s wall – me and my ex boyfriend used to write awfully cringe-worthy stuff to each other…stuff that included the words sexypants and Gawjus.
10. That couple that were always inbetween ‘in a realationship and ‘it’s complicated’
12. Creating Albums for your photos, instead of just uploading them to ‘mobile uploads’.
13. Naming those albums – ‘Kerazy Random Pics’
14. Having one of just you called – Me, myself and I – selfies are really nothing new.
15. Then getting all funny and naming your albums after the HILARIOUS antics you got up to in the pictures – Vodka, 3am, wrestling a pig, stealing a shopping trolley, waking up on the bathroom floor.
16. Only being able to upload 60 photos at a time.
17. So having to have seven ‘birthday’ albums where 350 photos are blurred, too dark, over exposed and WITHOUT ANY SORT OF FILTER.
18. Writing statuses in the third person – ‘Harriet is wondering whether she should take a photo of her food and upload it to facebook – but is worried about the craze it may start’
19. Social media only being for young people. i.e. not having to be friends with your parents…and erm, grandparents.
20. Being able to have a PROPER stalk of your boyfriend’s, ex-girlfriend’s, brother’s, girlfriend’s, sister’s, friend.
21. Changing the language to ‘Pirate’
22. Totally not understanding twitter but setting up an account anyway.
23. Having 3 followers.
24. Fraping your mates “I’ve got big hairy nipples and can also plait my pubes”
25. The appearance of your profile changing, being utterly outraged, thinking it’s shit, professing to NEVER using the site again. Then finally, forgetting what your profile ever looked like before anyway and continuing to check it everyday still.
26. Not being able to LIKE anything.
27. Every other post not being of a mediocre child. “Englebert Humperdink II, just did a poo in his potty! So Proud of my clever, clever, genius child. #feelingblessed” – FYI Engelbert is nearly four years old and SHOULD be shitting in his potty by now, stop celebrating AVERAGENESS!
28. There being no such thing as social media peer pressure or posts that say – ‘repost if you’re a real friend/hate cancer/proud parent’ which are just RIDICULOUS.
Social media, it’s not what it used to be.
Thanks for reading! 🙂