Things you only understand if you’re a girl


Bathroom Bezzies…

Drunk girls in the toilets of a club on a Saturday night are in my top 5 favourite people (closely following drunk people in general, the crazies who come out in summer, the man who does the tube announcements at Bethnal Green station, Pleeeeaase staaand awey from de daaars and genuinely helpful customer service employees – Sandra at Virgin, you are the greatest.). But yeah, drunk girls in the loo are just the NICEST people everrrs.

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“Oh my god you’re soooooo beautiful” “Oh no babe – YOU’RE soooooooo beautiful, look at you, your skin is flawless” “I love your hair!” “That jacket looks AMAZING on you, where’s it from?” “You’re just stunning” “You two are so sweet!” “We should TOTES go out together…add me on facebook!”

So you accept friends requests and skip out of the loo feeling amazing and promptly never see those girls again. But for that moment in time they were literally your BEST FRIENDS. In fact you and the rest of your girls discuss all the next day ‘how nice those other girls in the loo were’.

Being full…of tears…

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Sometime you just need a good old cry for no reason other than you’re full. Full of tears. So you let them out either while wrapped in a blanket on the sofa watching the Notebook for the 100th time and eating nutella straight from the jar or in front of your boyfriend when he innocently asks you what you want for dinner. He and any other male in a 50 mile radius immediately assume you’re completely mental or clinically depressed but after your little cry you feel SO much better and lighter and happier.

Evenly applied liquid eyeliner…

Nailing a cat-flick that even Audrey or Bridge would be proud of is akin to the feeling of climbing a mountain, finishing a marathon or getting the longest word on Countdown. It takes serious concentration levels, that’s for sure but when you manage to give BOTH eyes a flick that is not only the right length but angle AND thickness it makes you want to punch the sky. It’s a shame your male boss doesn’t understand how difficult this is to achieve and nor does he think it’s a legitimate reason to be late. every. single. morning.

Don’t want to stop at the eyeliner? Check out this Audrey Hepburn makeup tutorial from the lovely Tanya Burr…

The need to talk – about people you don’t know or like…

“OHHHH MYYYYY GOOOOOOD – Guess who’s pregnant now??? And did you see so-and-so is getting divorced! Look who’s lost loads of weight…errrr and gained some!”

These are just examples of frantic whatsapp messages you send to your gal pals about people you worked with/ went to school with / know vaguely through facebook. You don’t really know why these people ever come up in convo…half of them you haven’t seen in over a decade and most of them don’t like you either but for some reason you girls still have a little goss about who’s doing what with who and where and in what colour dress and how their hair looked while doing it. When I try to have the same gossip with my boyfriend he just looks at me blankly, insists he doesn’t know ANYONE I’m talking about and that whatever I’m telling him isn’t of any interest to him.

That ‘like a girl’ shouldn’t be and isn’t an insult in your books…

Since when did ‘like a girl’ become an insult? You run like a girl, you throw like a girl, you cry like a girl…here’s some news buddy I AM A GIRL. Oh and Jessica Ennis runs pretty bloody fast and she too is a girl. Maybe back in 1898 women were considered the weaker slightly more rubbish sex but we’ve since proved that we’re just as capable as men so the next time someone tells me I do something ‘like a girl’ I’m going to thank them because we all know girls are actually awesome.

A spilt pot of glitter does not require a proper clean up nor lots of effing and blinding when it gets on all your freshly washed clothes…

So I borrowed my boyfriends holdall for a festival and I may have had a bit of an accident where a pot of bright green glitter was concerned. I did have a mild panic when it happened but only because I was gutted that I might have wasted a whole pot of glitter decorating my boyfriends blue Nike bag as opposed to my face – luckily though I was able to salvage most of the glitz and scoop it back into its rebellious little pot.

For the remaining sparkles I did do my best to clean them up but quickly decided a little sparkle never hurt nobody and left a tiny, weeny, itsy, bitsy bit of glitter in the bag. When my boyfriend finally came to use the holdall for himself, well, he didn’t really agree with my train of thought. Apparently having his bag, as well as anything he put in there, covered in glitter wasn’t the greatest thing to happen ever. Cue lots of FFS-ing and stomping around. According to my boyfriend most boys would feel this way so spill carefully ladies!

Even though Magic Mike isn’t a great film it still should be viewed…

Three words. Channing Tatum’s Hips. That is all.

The wonders of a good primer.

I only discovered this little gem a year or so ago. It changed my whole life and for that I will be forever grateful. Recommendations would be: Benefit , Smashbox and the holy grail of primers Chanello! Plop it on your cleansed, toned (pahhh yeah right) and moisturised skin before layering on your foundation and you’ll wonder if your mirror actually has the amazing ‘beauty face’ mode you ALWAYS use on your Samsung when taking pictures (seriously if you have a Samsung and don’t already use beauty face…you are welcome!). Smooth and flawless – this is what Queen Bey was taking about.

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Porefesional Primer ~ Smashbox Primers ~ Le Blanc de Chanel

The thrill of pretend online shopping…

I have to admit, I’m not actually much of an actual online shopper – there’s something about not seeing something before you buy it that unnerves me. That said I can’t get enough of trawling websites and adding hundreds of things to my basket before promptly clicking the little x in the top corner of my screen.

I guess if I’d won the lottery I may actually check out with these items and have to buy a whole new house (a la Anna Dello Russo) to put all the clothes and shoes and bags I would own – but I haven’t won the lottery so I will keep pretend shopping online for the foreseeable.

I’m sure there’s plenty more things that only make sense if you’re part of the XX Chromosome brigade so feel free to list them in the comments below…

Thanks for reading! 🙂

Harry x

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