So I haven’t really been doing anything blog worthy recently other than being really bloody ill and dying at home with my boyfriend. We caught a bad case of post festival flu on our return from SGP meaning that we were both bed bound for almost a week. Really not fun.
This has been the longest period I’ve been sick for that I can remember and rather than sharing a sympathy enducing sickie selfie (believe me I thought about it) I just thought a really, really, really long blog post detailing my every poorly thought would be much better received. So please take a stroll through SEVENTY TWO HOURS (seriously that is SUCH an UNNECESSARILY long time to be sick) in my sickly mind. Seriously, go ahead…boring and self-indulgent you say? Well so was this virus, so feel my pain peeps.
1. First day back at work since SGP, boooo hisss. Why is there no secret sunflower field through the toilet door?
2. And no-one is covered in glitter. This sucks
3. Woaaaah, I feel dizzy.
4. Like reallllllly, realllllllly realllllly dizzy.
5. I need to go home IMMEDIATELY
6. My boss will be so pleased. Two days off, back in the office for 3 hours. So far all I’ve done is drink coconut water, attempt to eat a croissant, try not to cry and now I want to go home.
7. Jeez this is not good…Addison Lee to the rescue!!!
8. Just an extra day, that’s all I need. Tomorrow I’ll be A-OK.
9. Catching up on TOWIE will sort me out. Watching this Essex bunch ALWAYS makes me feel better about my life.
10. Urrrghhh Elliot Wrights disgusting love declarations are making me feel worse, maybe a little nap will sort me out.
12. Whhhhhhhhy am I still dizzy, I just woke up. I thought sleep was meant to cure everything. I thought if I slept I’d wake up feeling right as rain.
13. What does that even mean – right as rain? Why is rain right? Have I got this saying wrong?
14. *Googles right as rain* ohhhhhh http://www.word-detective.com/2011/08/right-as-rain/
15. Ok lets get on the pills – paratroopers and ibruprofen you are my best friends in the world right now.
17. Oh crap these Ibrus are 400mg and I’ve take two -am I going to die?
18. Well it sure feels like I am anyway so WHATEVER.
19. At least being ill is an easy way to lose weight – goodbye appetite, hello SKINNY!
20. I’m staaaaaaarving.
21. Feed a virus? Think I can stand the dizziness long enough to make a sandwich. A massive CHEESE sandwich.
22. Eating actually helps with the dizziness. If I concentrate enough on each mouthful then I almost forget that I can’t stand up any more.
23. As if being bed bound wasn’t bad enough I’m gonna have to roll myself out of the house when I’m finally better. #fatty
25. ARE YOU KIDDING ME – it’s a new day, I thought these things were 24 hour, why am I still dizzy. Oh god I actually feel worse than yesterday.
26. Maybe I was spiked with acid at the festival and it’s just kicking in and that’s why I feel like I’m horribly drunk without being drunk.
27. I am NEVER going to a festival again.
28. Why am I being punished for having fun.
29. I want my mum.
30. So glad it’s still nearly 30 degrees in London too – nothing like being hot and sweaty and ill and sweaty.
31. Sweaty, sweaty, sweaty
32. Oh no…fuuhhhhrrreeeezzzzing now. Brrrr.
33. That’s it, I’m going to the doctors immediately. They’ll give me something that will sort me out.
*goes to doctors and gets text from friend who was also at festival saying “How you feeling? I’m in hospital on a drip”*
34. CALL 999!!!! Quick I need a drip, I’m going to die.
35. SHIT JUST GOT SERIOUS.
36. Oh my god. If I collapse will these people help me or just take pictures and put them on the internet?
37. Goodbye Cruel world…
38. Stay calm – don’t cry yet…you are 30 seconds away from seeing a doctor. He will sort you out. And people in this waiting room will be really freaked out if you start wailing uncontrollably.
*Name gets called, heads off to see GP*
39. How is he so calm, did he not hear me say my friend is on a drip and I think I might die.
40. If he’s this calm about what I’ve told him maybe I’m going to be ok.
41. Yes, look in my ears, listen to my chest….yes, yes, yes, blood pressure…check it all…CHECK IT ALLLLLLL!
43. Labyrinthitis – c’mon Doc – that doesn’t even sound real!!
44. Struck down in the priiiiiibe ob liiiiiibe.
45. Ahh well at least it’s not terminal.
46. And the doctor really didn’t seem too concerned so maybe I will be fine?
47. Home to watch more TOWIE.
48. I still think I might need a cry.
49. ..here come the boo hoos.
50. Whhhhhhy meeeeeee!
51. *sniverlling* maybe I should have some more food. I think a bacon roll would make me feel better and then maybe some cheese. bit of ham. forkload of coldslaw. slice of bread and butter. tin of soup. plateful of spaghetti. A babybel.
53. Seriously? Seriously still dizzy. This is the THIRD day. Get out of my body.
54. Wheeeen will this end. No-one even knows how sick I am? Maybe I should share a sickie selfie – amp up some sympathy.
55. I mean even my own mother said she’d call to check on me and she hasn’t AND she’s a nurse.
56. Selfies require energy I simply do not have. I’ll wait til I’m better and then do a BLOG POST about how sick I am. Really lay it on thick.
57. Pftt I can’t believe my boyfriend thinks he’s sicker than I am.
58. Yes pears, pineapples, melons, grapes…get in my body. Work your magic and make me healthy!
59. I never thought I’d think this but my bed is the LAST place I want to be. So bored of lying down.
60. Also dreaming of being back at work…what is wrong with me.
61. Is that a light at the end of the tunnel?
62. More food needed.
63. I really feel like my boyfriend and I have reached a new stage in our relationship. We are the epitome of dirty, diseased and disgusting right now and he’s still trying to get in my pants.
64. No chance mate.
65. Seriously I am the sweatiest bettie eeevvvssss and I haven’t showered properly in three days.
66. True story.
67. Still can’t believe the doctor didn’t give us any antibiotics for this – the NHS really is going down the drain.
69. Wait, am I dead? I’m not dizzy this morning. I can move around with the ferocity of a Londoner on an evening commute and I don’t feel like I’m going to throw up. FINALLY I BETTER!!!!! Rejoice good citizens! Today shall be a national holiday!!!! (or just a normal Saturday). Time to celebrate with a full English breakfast and some pancakes at Bistroteque!
70. *Text from friend: Free ticket to Wilderness, you in?*
71. What was that about never going to a festival again? Pah! People think all kinds of crazy crap when they’re sick…maybe I should buy some more glitter.
So yeah that was me, I was sick. It sucked but I’m better now and can do more exciting things so my blog posts going forward will be MUCH better, I promise!
Thanks for reading! 🙂