Ahh wedding season. It is now well and truly the 5th season in my year. It creeps up on you slowly and then BAM – everyone’s doing the old white dress, big party, ‘I Do’ thing. However alongside the wedding there’s also often a hen do – and thus my THIRD hen do ever happened last weekend.
You might remember hen do numero uno which took place just last year in that, there London (read about it here!) and then hen do numero dos was just a few months ago and a rather civilised affair (read about that one, ‘ere). Well, hen do numero tres took place in the sunny seaside town of Bournemouth.
The lovely Maddie (who is engaged to the Groom-to-be’s brother and therfore a future sister-in-law of the hen, make sense?) has somewhat madly agreed to put us all up for the weekend. I arrived at her pretty pad just after 11am and was immediately given a name badge with the name “Hairy Hole Harriet” on it. I think this set the tone for the type of hen this would be.
The Hen herself, Katherine, is one of my oldest school friends (and we worked together at The Body Shop when we were 16) as are the majority of the 15 gal-pal party that would be joining us.
Having been friends with this troupe of mad, bad and more lad than lady group of women for so long, brought a sort of comfort to the hen do. I knew what to expect from a weekend with them. There would be no scary girlfriends of the groom’s mates who literally turn their backs to you when you go to introduce yourself, nor would there be the timid prudes unwillingly to get involved with the odd ‘penis’ themed game.
No, instead everyone would join in and there would be a huge amount of fun, some very inappropriate revelations during an ill-advised game of ‘I’ve never’ and a boat load of piss-taking such as us all pretending not to care about Leanne’s new gorgeous little bubba, ripping it out of Grace for ordering a pizza for every course at dinner (three-pizza’s Grace), goading Georgina for wanting to be next up the aisle, laughing at Verity who can’t keep her damn mole eyes open in ANY picture and several “It’s the humidity!!!” shouts in my direction any time water came within a meter of my hair.
As you can imagine, it was a recipe for laughter and lots of it.
Anyway – hellos and hugs done and dusted we changed into our ‘hen’ attire for part one of the do. This consisted of a classic printed tee, black leggings and old trainers. Hmmm, not exactly the glam start the hen we had been hoping for. We piled into a number of cars and drove a short way to Bournemouth Sports Club for It’s a Knockout!
For those of you that don’t remember it, It’s a Knockout was a game show that started in the 60s. It was basically a huge school sports day for adults and involved doing silly games over sillier obstacles. For a better idea of what went on, click HERE. For us it would involve similar silly games, from passing a wet sponge and lobbing it over an inflatable castle. To dressing up a penguin and basically playing Tag in order to win points and be the team to come out on top at the end of the day.
Oh dammit, there’s me having a pop at Ferret for closing her eyes and now I’m the one having a snooze in this pic! Never-mind.
It seemed that our Saturday was particularly busy for Hen and Stag dos. There were 27 teams in total!! And I’d say 90% of them were hen and stag dos. All in similar attire – except for one unfortunate stag who was forced into wearing a leopard print swimming costume and pink swim-cap. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again…I am so glad I’m not a guy. While we’re all there making sure the hen is having a weekend she won’t forget for all the right reasons, guys are making sure the stag is having a weekend he won’t forget for all the WRONG reasons.
So we embarked on the games, split into three groups and playing against 8 other teams (well 7 in our case as our hen party became two teams) we started with the drunken football game.
We donned ridiculous goggles that made it impossible to see straight and walk straight. The object being to dribble a football and then shoot it into the inflatable goal. The team with the most goals got the most points. I have to say I was incredible at this game with 3 out of 4 goals scored (Killen for England!) but on the whole we were pretty crap. Still it was a funny starter…
Next up we were playing All Hands on Deck – there were three lanes and you had to tug team-mates from one side to the other in a rubber dingy. It was funny but tiring and we definitely lost. Plus I ended up with a wet bum…not fun. Little tip: kneel in the dingy, don’t sit in it.
Onto Medieval Madness. We were lined up on overturned buckets and had to pass wet sponges to the end before the final person lobbed it over an inflatable castle. Then a team member behind the castle squeezed what remained of the water into a bucket. The team with the most water at the end was declared the winner. Where do you think we came in this game?
Yup last! And Verity managed to massively stack it as she raced across the wet grass with all the wet sponges. Nothing funnier then your mate going arse over tit!
My favourite game was after the medieval madness. Not everyone in the team could play but it didn’t matter as I feel those that are watching have the most fun. Amie was nominated from our team to take on the giant. She had to climb into a hilarious costume and then race the guy next to her. I can’t put into words how funny it is watching someone walk in, or more importantly fall down wearing one of the giant costumes. MEGALOLS.
And better still – we won this game!
All recovered from belly-aching laughter we moved onto our penultimate game which was the most fun. Again three teams vs three teams; we launched ourselves, one by one, at the Slippery Summit! Using all our strength we had to clamber to the top and slide down the other side to victory. This is while battling with buckets of water being thrown at us and lashings of fairy liquid. We were raucous in our cheers and despite being absolute sodden at the end (and my hair now resembling something more like this than this) this game left us in super high spirits.
That was until the wind started blowing and we realised we were all freezing as well as wet AND had no spare clothes with us to change into.
We moved onto the final game which was the Penguin Pursuit. Another one man game; I went up against the Hen, Katherine. We wiggled our way into stinky sweating penguin costumes and had to chase a further penguin in a game of tag. I was somewhat hysterical as I ran, with my huge flipper feet and limited vision. You can’t really see or run at all and this leads to you laughing like a loon in the costume. Luckily Katherine caught the other penguin and we were left to wrestle it out for the eventual winner to be crowned Queen of the penguins.
I did the honourable thing and ‘LET’ the hen win this one. I couldn’t exactly beat her at her own game.
As this final round came to an end everyone else began gathering for a huge group photo. Sadly we had to dash off for part two of our ‘do’ and as we had an inkling that we weren’t going to be the days winner, we didn’t think it mattered too much. Meh, the ‘bottle of champers’ prize was probably just a cheap Cava anyway! We sprinted to our cars and drove off to the Hallmark Hotel for some life drawing!
We arrived still pretty damp and not looking our best. Still, we could FINALLY order something alcoholic to drink (It’s a Knockout don’t allow drinking while you’re competing) and it was well overdue. We waited in the lobby until our 5.30pm booking and busied ourselves with some more hilarious reminiscing.
Soon it was time to head in and release some of our creative flair. We sat in a semi circle as our ‘art teacher’ for the afternoon took us through some basic techniques for drawing a human form. Then the model then ‘revealed’ himself. Cue lots of girlish laughter from us. (and by girlish laughter, I mean a few of us
(me) absolutely lost it and were crying. It really was all very immature.)
Despite this, there were some very impressive drawings in the room before it got a bit silly and things were became more, ahem, abstract.
Sadly our Art Teacher was better at drawing then she was at taking pictures. Blursula.
Finally we headed home to get spruced up for the big night out. As per previous hen dos, we all dressed in black while the hen donned a beautiful pink swinging 60s shift dress – and she looked so beautiful!
We had an amazing deal at The Lost Garden which is club in the centre of Bournemouth. We’d all paid something like twenty pounds each for mountains and mountains of booze and a little table all to ourselves in a special VIP area.
We danced, we drank, we danced some more. There was a lot glitter, some sparklers, possibly a couple of girls who hit the floor, a few dares, a black eyeliner and some smudged moustaches, a
bit lot of drinking from the bottle, a VERY happy & drunk hen and we all ended up in, of course, the kebab shop across the road before taxis home to bed which was a mammoth sleepover in Maddie’s front room.
The next day we were up early and headed our separate ways…I headed off with Sarah & Linda and we stopped for Eggs Benny at a favourite of ours Valerie Patisserie..mmmmmm!
All in all, I’d say it was a very successful hen do, if not in the top three of hen do’s I’ve been too! It’s the most classic one I’ve done, that’s for sure…complete with stupid nicknames, lots of booze, a real man’s penis and even a few dares. And I loved it but I think that was mainly due to the people I was with. I feel very blessed to have such a big group of girlfriends that know me so well (ladle story and all!)…and I literally can’t wait for the wedding…or possibly the next hen do, I just wonder who it’ll be!