Young Persons Health and Fitness Seminar…

Last night I played Bingo.

It was rude, crude and hilariously funny.

I arrived with friends at Scarla in King’s Cross and found myself at the front of the queue. I know, I know that is hideously eager beaver of me but after having had to abandon my first attempt to play Bingo, I was not going to miss this night for the life of me. Once inside, coats checked, drinks bought and pen and scorecards collected we made our way into the main room and awaited the fun.

The place filled up almost immediately and once again it seemed to be a pretty young crowd. Before long everyone was sporting either cat whiskers, glasses, a harry potter scar or illegible writing on their faces. Some of the unluckier members of the crowd had serious obscenities on their foreheads which I won’t be repeating here but you can guess what they said.

When the 3 Bingo callers finally took to the stage there was still the Health and Fitness pretence. They arrived on stage to some serious cheers of excitement, wearing blue and gold shiny tracksuits professing to lecture us in exercise before they ensured the doors were secured, stripped themselves of their trackies and said we’re here to play fucking rebel bingo.

The main guy by the name of Freddie whipped the crowd into a frenzy before revealing the first prize to be had…a giant glitter ball. Then the two females, Luki and Anita took to announcing the numbers with their own spin on traditional bingo calls. Vague recollections of Nan, gibblets and discharge as part of some of the grimier calls…there was no room for two fat ladies here.  

When a bingo shout was made the would-be winner raced up to the stage and threw themselves upon Freddie. The numbers were then checked and the shout came as either Winner or Loser. The winner able to claim their prize the loser…booed and heckled by the crowd while they shamefully left the stage empty handed to a chorus from the lyrical genius of Luda ‘Move bitch get out the way, get, get out the way’ while Luki, Anita and Freddie death stared and mocked them back into the crowd.

And so the game continued, the next prizes…a country manor house cleverly disguised as a pop-up tent, a ipod speaker dock that could be wheeled around like a suitcase, an animal onezie and the final win of the evening, 2 tickets to Bestival.

The vibe at the night was fun and feel good. There was a hilarious mob mentality during the games that ridiculed anyone idiotic enough to have called Bingo when it clearly wasn’t. The attitude of the caller girls on stage, their filthy mouths and deathly dry sense of humour was hilarious. The only down point I would say is that between games the queue at the obviously understaffed bar was nothing other than horrific which resulted in nothing other than 4 drinks being bought at a time and subsequently my hangover today.

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